Stoke My Fire | Healing our Wounds Through Union with Christ
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Healing our Wounds Through Union with Christ

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. “ Gen. 1:27

We have read that God doesn’t have a body, so we can conclude that being Male and Female is something beyond the physical- it is at a deeper soul level within us.

And the Bible is clear to make the distinction- Male and Female – and since we both bear the image of God – it is clear the masculine heart and the feminine heart reflect to the world God’s Heart. God is at once – Fierce and Powerful — AND — Beautiful and Captivating.

“One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving” Psalms 62: 11-12

To become who God fully intended us to be when he created us, there are questions every man and women must answer.

For men, we need to answer :

  1. Am I powerful ?
  2. Is the strength I have, enough ?
  3. Do I have what it takes, when it counts ?

For women, we need to answer :

  1. Am I lovely ?
  2. Am I a priority to anyone ?
  3. Will someone pursue me ?  
  4. Am I worth fighting for ?


Failure to get adequate answers to these deep questions can result in a false identity not rooted in Truth. And Truth can only be found in Christ and our personal relationship with Him.

We live in a fallen world with fallen humans. We inflict wounds on each other, especially the ones we love. Often times it is our parents who wound us the deepest.

Examples of wounds for men are :  you’re stupid, you’re a wimp, you’re not good enough, you don’t have what it takes, you always screw it up, etc.

Examples of wounds for women are : you’re not beautiful, who could ever love you, no one will fight for you, no one wants you, no one will see you as a beauty to rescue

These wounds can come from words, actions, or neglect. All of these deep wounds steal our strength and beauty, and we lose heart.

We then build false identities based on these lies. We do not address these wounds and often we push them as deep down as possible,  but they manifest differently through extreme behaviours and identities.

i.e. extreme violence, bullying, retreating, passiveness, control freaks, egomaniacs, machoman, overbearing mothers, bossy woman, controlling wives, etc.

From these wounds we create a false self in order that we can save ourselves from the hurt and pain of this world. We have our own plans for salvation.

i.e. If I can just be a good enough student, a nice enough guy, and perfect wife/ husband, successful, have the most money, fame, recognition, etc.

These are how we build our false identity and validate ourselves. But when we achieve all of these things, we still feel empty and unsatisfied.

It is because we are created in the image of God, male and female, and we are designed for relationship and union with Him. God knew you before you were born and he knitted you in your mother’s womb. He had you in His mind before the creation of the Earth.

 For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.  I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;  Psalms 139:13-14

The only true Joy and Satisfaction we can get in this world is a personal relationship with God. Anything else is just a counterfeit and our false self’s attempt to play the Saviour.

There is only one Saviour and one name Given to which we shall be saved, Jesus Christ. And he is calling you to Die to your False Self, to take off the old man, and be Born Again in Him, to become a New Creation, so that He may restore you to the original Image and plan he had for You.

“For whoever wishes to save his life (psyche in Greek) will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. Matt. 16: 25

The bible contains three greek words for life – Bios, Psyche, and Zoe. Bios refers to the physical life, and is the root for Biology, which is the study of living things. Psyche – in the greek refers to Our Being, Our Personality, Our Soul. Zoe in the greek is related to our Spirit, the Inner Man who is made in the image of God.

In the above verse, the term used for life is psyche and it has powerful implications for understanding what Jesus meant when he made this bold proclamation. He is not talking about losing your physical life, like willing to be a Martyr for His cause. He is talking about being willing to lose your false self – the personality you have created out of your wounded-ness and desire to save yourself.

If you are willing to lose your Life (Psyche) and allow God to peal away the layers of falsehoods you have erected around your soul, then you will find New Life in Him who is The Way, The Truth, and The Life.

We serve a personal God, and healing your wound will be personal to you, there is no one size fits all solution. The main point is this : There is no healing of our wound outside Union and Intimacy with Christ.


“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,

because he has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives

and recovering of sight to the blind,

to set at liberty those who are oppressed,” Luke  4: 18


What is He healing, releasing, setting free ? You heart and Soul! To Restore the True You and who God had in mind when He created you. This experience will be unique for everyone. God does not always heal the way we expect Him to, but He is faithful and True, and He will keep his promises He has made to His Children.

That being said, there are common themes on the path to restoration of your heart.

Step one: We Surrender

It’s seems obvious yet why do so many of us struggle with this ? Surrender sounds like we are losing, like we have lost. And we are. We are losing our old false self and its way of being. We are losing our sense of independence, and yielding our lives to the one who is the Source of All Life.

CS Lewis “ Until you have given yourself to Him, you will not have a real self”

Trust in Him and His Power to Heal You. Ask Him to bind together all the broken pieces and to unite them into a whole and healed heart.

Ask for the release of all bondage and captivity in your life. Any place in your life that is more of a priority than God is.

Say This to yourself quietly: “ Lord Jesus, I give my Life to you – everything I am, everything I have become. I surrender myself to you fully. Enter my heart and soul, my wounds and brokenness, and bring your healing love to me in these places”

Step two : We Grieve

We must grieve the wound. We must honestly say to ourselves “It is not our fault and it did matter” Stop trying to be tough, to suck it up, to run away from the pain. Go into the pain with Jesus at your side, admit the Truth, that you were hurt by ones you loved, that we lost something, and that it hurt. Tears bring healing. Grief validates the pain, and confirms it Did Matter.

Step three : We Let God Love Us

Are you open to receiving God’s Love. We intellectually know about God’s Love, but when was the last time you were vulnerable enough to open your heart, let down your guard, and Let God Love You. God is asking you right now, “ Will You Let Me Love You ? “

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain ( Abide) in my love.” John 15:9

We must let our Hearts come home to Him, and Abide in That Love. As this Love is our One True Hope.

Step four: We Forgive

It is time. Time to forgive those who have wounded us. Our parents. Our loved ones and friends. Any hurt we hold onto. We must begin the process of letting it go.

Paul warns us about unforgiveness and bitterness ( Eph 4:31, Heb. 12:15 ) and how it can negatively affect your life and those around you. We often redirect our anger towards our loved ones. When approaching forgiveness, don’t only think of what the person did to you but think of them as someone who too has had been affect by their own wounds. Hurting people often hurt others.

Forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling but an act of our will. Feelings take time to heal, but that can only occur once the decision to forgive has been made. Then God begins the healing of those hurt feelings, and we allow him into our emotional core.

We acknowledge that it hurt, that it mattered, and that we choose to forgive those who have hurt us. We release them, and ourselves from the prison of unforgiveness.

Then we continue to ask God to be our Father, to Love us into wholeness, and to become more Like His Son everyday.  

If you want to go even deeper with this process, we highly recommend you read the book Wild at Heart by John Elderidge, and begin the journey into the wilderness of God’s Mystery as His Child.

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