Now I know the video emphasizes that its hard to put rules on the science of influence and it is a much more organic process that resists systemization. But if you’re anything like me, I like a good list, a “how to” format, or a system I can experiment with to see what works.
Thats where this books come in. How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is considered by many, to be the authoritative book on this subject and has impacted millions of people all over the world.
“From an era when ‘self-help’ books had genuine depth, Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” has influenced the world. No book in the self-help category matters more than this one.”
Official review on Amazon.com
“Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. (It rarely helps the situation)”
has become a bit of a mantra I employ in both my personal and professional life, and has saved me on a countless occasions from putting my foot in my mouth or by ruining potentialy life-enhancing relationships.
Take a look at these principles, see if any strike a chord, and begin experimenting with these techniques for yourself.
By Dale Carnegie
This may be the single greatest business book ever written. You could probably read it every year, and its advice would still help you out. It is so good that these notes are simply a summary of the notes already included in the book at the end of each section.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. (It rarely helps the situation)
- Give honest sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways To Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. (This is the secret to being a great conversationalist.)
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. (Because even if you win, you aren’t going to get what you want.)
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. (A good way to start is to admit that you could be mistaken.)
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives. (Even if deep down they make the decision based on the baser ones. Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story.)
- Dramatize your ideas. (A picture and a story are worth a thousand words.)
- Throw down a challenge. (Do this when all else fails.)
Be A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Like all things designed to ” improve our lives ” , we have to respect the source from which it comes, and we have to have a willingness to apply the techniques.
No two people are the same, and self-improvement is a very personal thing, so take what works for you and begin experimenting with these principles, I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed.
Stay Stoked ! Stay Inspired !